I’d Buy That For A Dollar: Twilight – Eclipse

The first Twilight film left me dazed, wondering what just happened. Vampires sparkled, Kristen Stewart bit her lip, and a bunch of wannabe California models were transported to the Pacific Northwest to “act” like teenagers. The sequel, New Moon, was actually worse. Instead of action or conflict we were treated to scene after boring scene of Jacob (Taylor Lautner) professing his love, sans shirt, to the lovesick Bella. The climax was, honest-to-god, whether or not Edward (Robert Pattinson) would take off his shirt in public.

I’d Buy That For A Dollar: Easy A

Whether or not I recommend Easy A comes down to a simple question: Do you like Clueless, 10 Things I hate About You, or Mean Girls? I typically try to avoid such oversimplification, seeing as everyone has varying degrees of taste. However, I’m pretty sure if you are a fan of one of those three films, then Easy A will easily be worth your hard-earned dollar.

I’d Buy That for a Dollar: Night of the Demons

So, when they finish remaking all the horror movies of yore, are they just going to start all over again? Is it just going to be one endless cycle? It seems the films of the 80s in particular are presently ripe for the picking, which brings us the 2009 update of 1988’s Night of the Demons.

I’d Buy That for a Dollar: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

I debated watching this movie for two reasons. One, David Fincher (one of my favorite directors) is working on a remake with Daniel Craig, and this being a mystery/thriller, I didn’t necessarily want all the juicy stuff spoiled for me. Two, it’s a trilogy, therefore after viewing the first one I’m contractually obligated to watch two more movies. Alas, I caved because I’m tired of hearing about the Swedish phenomenon and finally wanted to know what the fuss was about. After securing a copy from redbox, it turns out, I still don’t know what the fuss is about.

I’d Buy That for a Dollar: The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

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I first learned about The Human Centipede (First Sequence) last year while reading /Film’s coverage of Fright Fest 2009. I was immediately intrigued, and simultaneously disgusted. The phrase “human centipede” is probably, in and of itself, enough to truly sicken the squeamish. Further reading of the plot, which involves victims being grafted together ass-to-mouth, is enough to disturb even those of us with stronger constitutions. (I’m guessing this is the point where I’ve lost some of that squeamish bunch.) Continue reading →

I’d Buy That For A Dollar: Hot Tub Time Machine

I’m going to spend about as much time on this review as I think the filmmakers spent on this movie, which feels like a scant amount. Hot Tub Time Machine is the latest collaboration between John Cusack and his pal Steve Pink (High Fidelity, Grosse Pointe Blank) and it is easily the least significant of the three.

I’d Buy That For A Dollar: The Square

Apparently there’s a new batch of talented young filmmakers hailing from down under, and they’re producing under the banner Blue Tongue Films. Currently playing in theaters is the Sundance award winner Animal Kingdom, but since that Australian crime epic is only playing at the high-end Arclight, and I can’t afford internet/cable/phone right now, I visited the corner redbox and rented The Square instead. Surprisingly, they carry it even though it has no major stars, is super low-budget, and technically a foreign film. One of the stars of Kingdom, Joel Edgerton, is the co-writer/co-star of The Square, and his brother, Nash Edgerton, is the director. So now that we all know where they’re from and that they’re all best buds…how was the movie?

I’d Buy That For A Dollar: The Ghost Writer

I didn’t really want to see The Ghost Writer in theaters, despite the solid reviews, 84% at rottentomatoes, academy award-winning director Roman Polanski, and my everlasting affinity for star Ewan McGregor (all cast members from Trainspotting have earned this). The marketing was too off-putting, made it look cheesy, dull, and way too self serious. Well thank goodness for redbox, because I’m here to tell you this is top-shelf Polanski.

I’d Buy That For a Dollar: Sorority Row

I don’t know about you, but times are pretty tough for me right now. Money is pretty tight, and that makes it hard to see nearly as many movies as I used to. Truth be told, there were times when I’d seen every movie at the local Edwards 18. Nowadays I’m a bit more discerning when it comes to the movies I see in theaters. I’d like to chalk it up to a predilection for films of substance, refined by years of study, but it really comes down to the fact that I just can’t afford to pony up the cash to see the same shit I used to. And as a horror fan, that’s a hard row to hoe. With horror I’ve found that there is a fine line between enjoyable and unbearable, and even though there are an ungodly number of horror films out there, most of them fall into the latter category. Now, I may be a genre snob, but when it comes to horror, I’ll usually give things a chance. But times being what they are, I can’t afford to take the same risks I used to by going to see something questionable on the off-chance that it will turn out to be a pleasant surprise.

Enter redbox.