Opening Weekend: Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Nick Swardson plays a fledgling porn star, Tom Hardy and Joel Edgerton play brothers battling it out, Simon Pegg and Andy Serkis sell the dead, and we’re all gonna die when a deadly virus consumes the world. Fun times.

I’m not part of the target audience for Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star… twelve-year-old me might have loved to see it… might have… Of course, when I was twelve, two of my favorite movies were Batman Forever and Cutthroat Island. I’ll pass on Bucky Larson… it makes Joe Dirt look like an Oscar-worthy effort.

Then there’s Warrior, another movie where I’m not part of the target audience. I don’t really care about the UFC or MMA, and I never cared about who the “toughest kid in the neighborhood” was (knew it wasn’t me). I’m not familiar with Joel Edgerton, but I have nothing against him. I really like Tom Hardy and Nick Nolte. I’m sure I’ll check out Warrior at some point, but I’m in no rush.

In Burke & Hare, Simon Pegg and Andy Serkis play the titular grave-robbers/murderers. Loosely based on the real life Burke & Hare murders in 19th Century Edinburgh, this dark comedy is jam-packed with British talent and John Landis directs. So, if nothing else, I’m interested to see if this is a return to form for the director of An American Werewolf in London.

And of course, Contagion opens this weekend. (Bryan is probably barely able to contain himself.) Directed by Steven Soderbergh and featuring a star-studded cast including: Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jude Law, Marion Cotillard, Laurence Fishburne, and Kate Winslet, I think Bryan described it best as “Outbreak meets Traffic.” I’m sold.

My money’s on Contagion… might try to sneak in Burke & Hare, too. What say you?

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