Opening Weekend: I Would Prefer Not To

This weekend Hollywood takes one step forward and two steps back. Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon‘s lack of chemistry is no match for Pattinson’s Twilight-fueled popularity. Tyler Perry perpetuates negative stereotypes . . . again. And Samuel L. Jackson cuts in on Morgan Freeman’s turf, narrating Disney’s African Cats.

Apart from the fact that it’s based on the New York Times Best Seller and that Katie seems to be excited to see it, Water for Elephants holds little interest for me. To be fair, it looks like a sweeping epic, Gone With the Wind under the big top, if you will. But the only time Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon should be paired together is to play the least-likely screen couple to hold my interest. I’m not a fan of either of them. Pattinson seems to be nothing more than a walking, talking cardboard cutout. I find Witherspoon endlessly grating, which worked for Election and that’s about it. Put the two together and things get exponentially worse.

Still, Water for Elephants does boast some awesome supporting actors, including Christopher Waltz and Hal Holbrook. And cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto (Frida, 21 Grams, Brokeback Mountain, Biutiful) is no slouch. His visuals are stunning in general. At some point I might try to catch Water for Elephants at a second-run discount theater, to truly appreciate Prieto’s cinematography on the big screen. But for now, I hope Katie’s sees it and can fill me in.

Of course, my disinterest in Water for Elephants pales in comparison to my extreme aversion to any and everything to do with Tyler Perry. You want to know the quickest way to get me to pan your film: slap “Tyler Perry Presents” above the title. It pains me to no end that Perry is considered the “reigning king of Black Hollywood.” But I’ll save my ire for a piece directed solely at Perry and all his “good work.” Suffice to say, I will not be seeing Madea’s Big Happy Family this weekend.

On a happier note, Disney’s African Cats is out this weekend. Following the anthropomorphic adventures of lions and cheetahs living on the African savanna, narrated by the ever-ebullient Samuel L. Jackson, African Cats seems like your best bet for a good time at the movies this weekend, as far as new wide releases go.

So, if I had to see one of today’s wide releases, it’d be African Cats, but as far as actually seeing any of them, I’d prefer not to. If only Stake Land had a wide release today.

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2 responses to “Opening Weekend: I Would Prefer Not To

  1. For the record, I have a car-accident interest in seeing it. I liked the book, and while I think the story is straightforward enough to translate well to screen, I’m curious to see how Pattinson’s teeth-baring–I mean, acting–will affect it.

  2. If I see anything it will be Meek’s Cutoff which finally opened in LA this weekend…Maybe Tuesday night for the Laemmle deal.

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