Opening Weekend: Ladies & Literature & Aliens, Oh My!

Until we get invitations to critics screenings or screener copies of new releases, we’re not going to have many reviews out on opening weekend . . . as you might have noticed. So, in the meantime, I’ve decided to go over the films that are opening and let you know what I’m gonna see.

Two of the “biggest” wide releases opening this weekend deal with extraterrestrial encounters, Battle: Los Angeles and Mars Needs Moms. And to be perfectly honest, I’m not interested in seeing either.

While Battle: Los Angeles does look much better than last year’s ridiculously cheesy looking Skyline, I still have no real interest in seeing another alien invasion movie.

The trailers were all boring. The film doesn’t seem to add anything to the genre. I like Aaron Eckhart and Michelle Rodriguez, but I’m in no hurry to rush out to the theater to see them fight off the alien hordes wreaking havoc on the city of angels. I’m sure I’ll see it at some point, but not this weekend, not if I have to pay.

And as for Mars Needs Moms, in spite of the fact that the title hearkens back to campy sci-fi classic, Mars Needs Women, it feels very much like a children’s movie that I have no need to see. Unlike Rango, Mars Needs Moms doesn’t seem at all interesting or unique or different. I’m gonna pass on it altogether. Never need to see it.

Next, we have our ladies from literature for the weekend. First up: Catherine Hardwicke’s Red Riding Hood, a fanciful, horror-tinged re-imagining of Little Red Riding Hood. And I have to say, the trailer does look kinda appealing . . . dark, moody, ominous . . . at first, but then it quickly devolves into craptastic rock montage and just as I have the epiphany, the title card pops up to confirm what I’ve just remembered, “From the director of Twilight.” Well, shit.

So, yeah . . . not planning on seeing Red Riding Hood this weekend either. But, I’m not gonna lie, morbid curiosity will probably get the best of me at some point. I foresee a redbox rental in my future.

On the other end of the spectrum this weekend, the latest adaptation of Charlotte Brontë’s classic, Jane Eyre, looks quite promising. Dark, foreboding, grandiloquent. Directed by Cary Fukunaga, director of 2009’s critically acclaimed Sin Nombre. It stars three of my new favorite actors: Michael Fassbender, Mia Wasikowska and Jamie Bell, as well as stalwart Judi Dench. Jane Eyre looks amazing. From the first 30 seconds of the trailer, I wanted to see it . . . then the theme from Suspiria kicked in, now I have to see it.

Continuing the theme of “ladies and literature,” festival favorite Certified Copy opens this weekend. Sure, it’s familiar territory; two strangers meet (one of whom is a writer) and share a day together, talking about life and love. Yes, it reminds me of Before Sunrise and Before Sunset, but I don’t care. It looks charming. And Juliette Binoche is in it. That’s enough for me. I’m not going to rush out to see it this weekend, but I would definitely like to see it on the big screen at some point. It takes place in Tuscany. Who doesn’t want to see Tuscany projected on the big screen!?!

Losing the literature but keeping the ladies, Sebastian Gutierrez’s sequel to 2009’s Women in Trouble, Elektra Luxx opens this weekend.

Following the misadventure of the eponymous retired porn star, played by Carla Gugino, Elektra Luxx does look funny. And it’s got a great cast: Joseph Gordon Levitt, Timothy Olyphant, Marley Shelton and Lucy Punch, to name a few. But, since I’ve yet to finish Women in Trouble and both films received some pretty crappy reviews, I’m in no hurry to see it.

Now comes the film I’m on the fence about, Kill the Irishman. Mob picture starring Christopher Walken, Val Kilmer, Vincent D’Onofrio and Ray Stevenson, that sounds good.

But, there’s something about the trailer that puts me a bit off. Between that and the fact that it’s not getting great reviews and director Jonathan Hensleigh also directed Next and 2004’s The Punisher, I’m a bit wary of ponying up the dough to see this in theaters. We’ll see. It’s a maybe for me, but not this weekend.

Then there’s Black Death. The black plague ravages Europe amidst mounting fear and superstition in the 12th Century. Word of a village untouched by plague spreads across the countryside, as do rumors of witchcraft and necromancy, prompting a knight (Sean Bean) to lead an investigation of the matter with a local monk.

Horror. Witchcraft. Knights. Medieval times. And it’s directed by Christopher Smith, who directed Severance, which is also a great film. Guess what I’m seeing this weekend!!!

So, there you have it. My advice is to see Black Death and/or Jane Eyre. I’ll be seeing them this weekend. Both films are in limited release, but they shouldn’t be too far off. If they’re not out near you, I’d say check out The Adjustment Bureau–which I’ve yet to see, but am interested in–or Rango, which I loved.

If you do see any of the movies that I’ve mentioned or anything else that’s come out recently that I didn’t mention, let us know. What have you liked? What’s been complete shit? What are you anxiously awaiting?

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5 responses to “Opening Weekend: Ladies & Literature & Aliens, Oh My!

  1. I’m most interested in Certified Copy and/or catching up on Rango or I Saw the Devil.

  2. Oh and Suspiria sucks!

    • 1) The music from Suspiria by The Goblins doesn’t suck.
      2) Sure, it’s not the best movie, but Suspiria has great visuals and it’s still a horror classic.
      3) I’d rather watch Suspiria on repeat for an equivalent amount of time than watch all 11 hours of the extended Lord of the Rings trilogy.

  3. Yes the music…and maybe some visuals…but we’re watching a movie, not MTV.

    Forget this, Can Source Code and Super 8 come out already?

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